Last Sunday, I used a quote from Will Rogers that fits today's message as well. Will Rogers said, "People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing." As we look today at the problem of anger and how to deal with it, we discover once again, that the Bible has a lot to say about it. Not only does being angry waste a lot of time, but it can also get you into some real trouble. So it is important to learn how to deal with it.
Anger is a growing problem all across America, as well as the rest of the world. We see it in road rage incidents, drive-by shootings, school shootings and various other ways. I've shared with you before about my anger issues before I asked Jesus to be Lord of my life. They didn't call it road rage in those days, but that's what it was.
It was reported in the news the other day that there are now more guns privately owned in the United States than there are adults. Given a statistic like that, it becomes all the more important that we learn to control our anger and find ways to help those we love to do the same.
We find lots of ways to vent our anger. I read about one little six-year-old girl who was disciplined for being naughty. Her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment: she couldn't go to the Sunday school picnic. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic," her mother said. "It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain."
We are currently seeing anger creeping into our politics. Candidates make cutting remarks or untrue statements about their opponents. They seem to think the voters will only be interested in what's wrong with a candidate, rather than where they stand on the issues. Anger is even creeping into funerals. I read the other day that many funeral homes across the country now have online guest books where people can go and express their condolences to a family. One company that manages those online guest books for over 200 funeral homes, states that 30% of their staff are devoted full time to just editing out the mean and cutting remarks people post.
Ben Franklin said, "Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one." He also warns that "Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." So it is important that we learn to control our anger and seek to forgive and love those who make us angry.
As a passenger boarded the Los Angeles-to-New York plane, he told the flight attendant to wake him and make sure he got off in Dallas. The passenger awoke just as the plane was landing in New York. Furious, he called the flight attendant and demanded an explanation. The flight attendant mumbled an apology and, in a rage, the passenger stomped off the plane. "Boy, was he ever angry!" another crew member observed to her errant colleague. "If you think he was mad," replied the flight attendant, "you should have seen the guy I put off the plane in Dallas!"
One of the places where Satan gets a foothold in your life is when you become angry with yourself! It happens when you make a mistake, say something foolish, do something you know is wrong. All too often, you lash out at yourself in anger. You call yourself stupid or dumb. Many times, you don't even realize why you are upset. It all comes back to being angry with yourself.
We are all really rather hard on ourselves, aren't we? You tend to get in a mode of making mistakes, then not recognizing what you have done, or even when you do realize it, but you can't forgive yourself. This simply compounds the problem. Being unable to forgive yourself makes you feel bad, down, and, in some situations, worthless. Your anger eats away at your happiness and your struggle to know what is causing your depression.
The Bible says "Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." (Colossians 3:12-13 NLT) You read that verse and say to yourself, "I do that; I forgive others when they do or say something that hurts me." But you are not so quick to forgive yourself. That's a hard thing to do. For some reason, we tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard.
Recently a member of our church posed an interesting question to me. This person had not been able to forgive themselves for a long time for something they had done. In a Bible study, this person read that if a someone remains in sin, not able (or willing) to forgive themselves, they are not fit for the Kingdom of God, because the Bible commands us to forgive those who sin against us. The question was, even though they had sought God's forgiveness, were they still living in sin, since they had not been able to forgive themselves? I had to think about that for a while. But I then agreed with them that what they were saying was a valid concern. You do continue to live in sin if you cannot forgive yourself. Actually, if you don't forgive yourself, you are denying that Jesus died for your sins. After all, if God can forgive you, how can you be so self-centered that you can't forgive yourself? The Bible says, "God has removed our sins as far away from us as the east is from the west." (Psalm 103:12 TLB)
So to fulfill the Biblical command, it is imperative that you find a way to forgive yourself when you make that mistake, or say those unkind words, or whatever it is you have done. Just calling yourself "stupid" or "dumb" or "careless" is not sufficient. You must forgive yourself - and mean it - just as you would had someone else done or said that to you. When you forgive yourself, you need to forget about what happened, just as God does. You must truly believe in His steadfast love and forgiveness and not Satan's lies and deceptions.
That is not an easy thing to do. You may need to find another person you can trust and ask them to hear your statement of forgiveness of yourself. Perhaps you could write it out on a piece of paper. However you do it, lift it up to God and ask His forgiveness for the sin of not forgiving yourself.
The other area where we need to work on anger is in our relationships with others. Each of you have many different relationships in which you are involved. You have family members, friends at work or school and neighbors. It might be your parents, children or grandchildren. In addition, you are involved with a whole bunch of people whom you don't even know. Those are the folks on the road around you, people you cross paths with at various stores, people you read about in the papers, magazines or on the internet. Let's face it: some of those folks make you angry! It may be something they say or something they do or don't do. It may just be a look they give you.
Think about it for a moment. Doesn't that person in the express check out with a cart full of groceries make you little angry? Even with only a few more than the 10 or 15 the sign calls for tends upset most of you. Then, of course, there's that driver that squeezes in front of you in the exit lane of the freeway. Or, the driver that speeds up when you try to pass them.
I read an angry letter in the paper this past week. It was written to one of those legal advice columns. The person was asking about what could be done about someone in their community who was ignoring the deed restrictions. This homeowner had not mowed their grass in several years. The homeowner's association had gone to court and had an injunction issued. The judge had even issued a warrant for the offender's arrest. But nothing had ever happened. The angry letter writer asked why the courts weren't doing their job, why had the offender not been arrested?
People get angry over every conceivable issue. Unenforced leash laws for pets, noisy cars, phone calls at dinner time, people who don't drive the way I think they should, rumors that "so-and-so said this about that other person," etc. We all have our "pet peeves," as we like to call them. The Apostle Peter asked Jesus once about forgiveness. He wondered how many time a person must forgive another. Peter thought he was being pretty forgiving when he suggested maybe as many as seven times. Jesus responded, "No, not seven times, but seventy times seven!" (Matthew 16:22 NLT) Meaning as many times as necessary.
Jesus went on then, to tell a parable about forgiving others. He said, "A king wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the reckoning, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents (some versions place this at an equivalent of millions of dollars); and as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, 'Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' And out of pity for him the lord of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But that same servant, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii (the equivalent of a day's wage); and seizing him by the throat he said, 'Pay what you owe.' So his fellow servant fell down and begged him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' He refused and went and put him in prison till he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me; and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers, till he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:23-35 RSV)
Well, if Jesus says we had better forgive others, even when they have deeply offended us or hurt us in some significant way, how do we do that? How can you bring yourself to forgive that which you see as unforgivable? After all, it's easy to say, "I forgive them." But, it's a lot more difficult to actually show that you do forgive.
Our text today says, "Never take revenge." (Romans 12:19 NLT) It goes on to point out that doing nice things for those who have offended you is the way to improved relationships. If you are waiting for them to make the first move toward reconciliation, you may wait a long time. The Bible says that it is the Christian's duty to work for reconciliation. Jesus said, "To you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you." (Luke 6:27-28 NLT)
There are three thing you can do. First, Jesus says, "Love your enemies." I read a story about Boston Red Sox Hall-of-Fame third baseman Wade Boggs. Boggs used to hate going to Yankee Stadium. Not because of the Yankees - they never gave him that much trouble - but because of a fan. That's right: one fan. The guy had a box seat close to the field, and when the Red Sox were in town he would torment Boggs by shouting obscenities and insults. It's hard to imagine one fan getting under a player's skin, but apparently this guy had the answer. One day before the game, as Boggs was warming up, the fan began his typical routine, yelling, "Boggs, you stink" and variations on that theme. Boggs decided he'd had enough. He walked directly over to the man, who was sitting in the stands with his friends, and said, "Hey fella, are you the guy who's always yelling at me?" The man said, "Yeah, it's me. What are you going to do about it?" Wade took a new baseball out of his pocket, autographed it, tossed it to the man, and went back to the field to continue his pre-game routine. The man never yelled at Boggs again; in fact, he became one of Wade's biggest fans at Yankee Stadium. Now, I don't know if Boggs is a Christian or not, but he sure knew what the Bible says about how to treat your enemies.
You see, Jesus was not talking about becoming best friends, taking them to a movie, or out to dinner. He wasn't saying you have to fall in love with them. He was saying, do nice things for them. I suspect that, had the neighbors of the homeowner I mentioned earlier, been nice to her, she might have tried to do more to keep her place looking nice. Instead, they went to court. When someone does something to hurt you, physically or emotionally, try to find a way you can do something nice for them. As Paul says in our text today, "If they are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads." (Romans 12:20 NLT) In that last sentence, Paul is not talking about physically putting burning coals on them. He is suggesting that doing nice things to help those who would hurt you will make them feel ashamed for the way they have treated you.
The second thing to consider is "bless those who curse you." (Luke 6:28 NLT) Now, you may not have anyone who actually cusses you out or invokes some kind of a Satanic curse on you. But, I know that there are times when one person mutters some unkind thing under their breath or even out loud. There are times when someone says something that may be not quite true or even actually and intentionally false about you. When you learn of such a thing, bless them. Ask God to bless them in spite of their spitefulness. If you hear them, just say something like, "Oh, I just want God to pour out His blessings on you." You see, the thing to do in such situations is to offer words of love and help and healing. The Bible says, "Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing." (Proverbs 12:18 NLT) So, be wise in the way you respond to those who may make cutting or cursing remarks toward or about you.
The third thing Jesus mentions is to "Pray for those who hurt you." (Luke 6:28b NLT) Any time someone does something that you perceive as hurtful, pray for that person. The guy who cuts you off in traffic? Don't blow your horn. Don't make an obscene gesture. Pray for him. Ask God to cause him to slow down, to be more considerate, and to help him get home safely. That lady in the grocery who rushes into the express lane in front of you with a cart full of groceries? Don't snidely point out to her that she is in an express lane. Pray, that whatever her reason, God will help her to be more considerate of others in the future. Pray that God will bless her and her family. Strike up a friendly conversation with her and invite her to come to church.
The Bible says, "Bless those who persecute you. Bless them, and don't curse them. Be happy with those who are happy. Be sad with those who are sad. Live in harmony with each other. Don't be arrogant, but be friendly to humble people. Don't think that you are smarter than you really are. Don't pay people back with evil for the evil they do to you. Focus your thoughts on those things that are considered noble. As much as it is possible, live in peace with everyone." (Romans 12:14-18 GWT)
Josh McDowell writes: "Tolerance says, 'You must approve of what I do.' Love responds, 'I must do something harder: I will love you, even when your behavior offends me.'" Tolerance says, 'You must agree with me.' Love responds, 'I must do something harder: I will tell you the truth, because I am convinced 'the truth will set you free.' Tolerance says, 'You must allow me to have my way.' Love responds, 'I must do something harder: I will plead with you to follow the right way, because I believe you are worth the risk.' Tolerance seeks to be inoffensive; love takes risks. Tolerance glorifies division; love seeks unity. Tolerance costs nothing; love costs everything."
The Bible says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT) You see, you must remember what Christ has done for you. When you really comprehend that, when you really get your mind wrapped around the fact that He died for you, it becomes easier to love others. Jesus Himself said, "This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. 13There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." (John 15:12-13 NLT) When you are tempted to become angry with someone over something they did or said, think of what Jesus did for you. Ask yourself, "Could I lay down my life for this person?" If the answer is "No," you need to come to God and seek His forgiveness first. Then go and ask that person to forgive you for the anger you have felt, possibly even expressed, toward them.
Prayer:
Gracious and Loving God, thank You for loving us so much that You were willing to give up
Your Son, that we might know Your forgiveness. Help us to recognize our anger in its earliest
stages and lay it aside. Help us to love others, rather than hate them. If we feel vengeance is
necessary, help us leave that to You, as You have told us. May we always be valuable and useful
representatives of Jesus Christ in all of our relationships. In His precious name, we pray. Amen.
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Sermon September 2, 2007
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Sermon December 2, 2007
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December 30, 2007 - Guest speaker, transcript not available
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If you have questions about this message or wish to contact Dr. Kile for further information, feel free to e-mail him at pastor@gulf-prairie.org